Protected: 왜 그렇게 슬퍼?

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

the love of God.

“Could we with ink the ocean fill, and were the skies of parchment made, were every stalk on earth a quill, and every man a scribe by trade, to write the love of God above, would drain the ocean dry. Nor could the scroll contain the whole, though stretched from sky to sky.”

thanks pam for sharing this with me long long ago~~it never fails to amaze me hehe xD

safe in a crazy world.

I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
My heart just wants to bleed and stop
Believing in me

It feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
When they’re lowering the curtain
to the theatre of my dreams
I stumble and I crumble and I’m
Sinking to my knees but You
You cradle me

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in Your arms I find the strength
to believe in me again

Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where I go
Oh and life likes pretending that it’s
On a TV show
When it’s hard to tell what’s real
From what the world just wants to preach

You are the voice I seek
’cause when I’m wrapped up in Your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like I can breathe again

wishing another fruit.

The title has nothing to do with this post! It just happened to be one of the saved drafts which was empty! Anyway, WOAH. I feel like I’ve changed in certain ways since 2007! It always feels weird reading previous stuff written years ago, and sometimes I can’t believe I actually wrote or said something! Like the cockroaches!

Time passes so QUICKLY. In the blink of an eye, we’re all now in our final year in FSV. I wouldn’t say it feels almost as if I just came to Ngee Ann yesterday, because I really feel that I’ve been through a lot and gone through lots of experiences and etc. over the past four semesters in school.

I’ve decided on my motto in life.

Just do my best and God will do the rest.

It seems like a very common and cliche saying, but I really stand by it because it’s proved to be true for me. It really struck me when I had done everything I could and I thought of this.. and I’ve always believed in it but I’ve never really always stuck by it. But now I do. People think miracles are big and the most impossible, like the parting of the red sea by Moses, but miracles do come in small, minute sizes as well. The first proof of a miracle that happened for me was when my Dad’s car got flipped over onto the other side of the PIE and it landed upside down. In a situation like that, you’d expect for the motorist to be severely injured.. but guess what! My Dad was perfectly fine. The only injuries he had was small cuts on his hands  from the crawling out of the smashed window. If you see the photos of the car’s state, no one can deny it was one of God’s many miracles.

I had done everything I could.. but I still had to wait for something to be able to continue the rest of my task. I was afraid that the longer the delay, the worse for me. I was so stressed out and kept worrying and complaining…. but then I thought of my motto.. and I decided to give up being stressed out and being worried and complaining. I decided to leave it into God’s hands and just take whatever that comes to me, and just know that whatever I get is what I should receive. And by doing that, I felt that I had put my utmost trust into God and His plans for me. And you know what? Everything worked out perfectly!

SO I say..

Just do your best and God will do the rest!!!

Sitting Next to “Xiao-qiang”

“Xiao-qiang” is a nickname for cockroach in Chinese. I hopped onto the bus and saw quite a few empty seats. As usual, I’d pick the ones nearest to the door. I chose the one right next to it, the wider one. I hadn’t realized that there were baby roaches running here and there. Only until I sat down. Seeing no other space on the bus, I stayed put at the outside seat, not daring to sit inside. However, at the next bus stop, many people got onto the bus. For some reason, I just sat in, allowing another person to sit beside me. Although it was obviously uncomfortable and some may say, a stupid thing to do, my body moved before I could think properly.

I kept my eye focused on the side of the bus, distracting me from the music in my ears. I decided to to just relax and keep watch not to let any of them get near me. Luckily, there were only 2 of them, about the size of the tip of my index finger. Once in a while one of them would run over the side of the bus, I’d rather them stay at the bottom where no one can see them. However, sometimes they’d crawl upwards till I’d get scared and I tried using my bag to cover them, hoping no one would see them. Surprisingly, I learnt to sit with them, it was as if they were testing me to see if I’d run away or try to kill them. They ran out here and there, and finally halfway through the journey, they stopped appearing.

Instead, a tiny cockroach came out. I actually thought it was cute. It was as small as an ant, the smallest cockroach I’ve ever seen. I felt that the baby cockroaches allowed the tiny one to come out and explore after they confirmed that I wouldn’t hurt them. I just watched the baby run here and there, before I lost it. The cockroaches never appeared after that.

I think Ryan’s class taught me how to sit and observe. I don’t think the above would’ve happened if I hadn’t learnt observation skills. I’d just probably stare at the side hoping the cockroaches wouldn’t come out. I actually did some thinking while observing them, at the beginning I was kind of panickin, wondering what to do if one of them crawled onto my leg or something. But instead, I thought about how the cockroaches might feel. Humans are afraid of them, but aren’t they even more afraid of us? As I thought about that, I realized that if I did not disturb them, they would leave me alone as well. Hence, I was able to relax during the journey.

P.S. It would’ve been a very different story if the cockroaches were ADULT ones.

Random thoughts.. Last reflection

Firstly, I’d like to mention how irritated I am with my internet connection. If there’s one thing that always pisses me off, it’s when there’s something wrong with the internet connection and I happen to urgently need to use it. One thing about me: once I am already angry or irritated, it’s very easy to for me to get irritated at the slightest of things.

The floor is currently littered with lots and lots of papers. Other than my sister’s sheets of holiday homework, there’s my artwork there almost completed. All I need is to finish shading and I’m done!

Week 7’s writing assignment on dialogue was a little difficult for me when we were asked to write a dialogue based on what we think our parents would say in that situation. That’s because my parents don’t quarrel over small things like that. They quarrel over things far different from that. Although my Mum, like me, can be quite sensitive. We both get irritated at the slightest things. And, the thing we hate the most is getting misunderstood by others.

We were rushing over the proposal for the two shows we have to do for studio production last night and it ended in a one hour twenty-six minutes four-way call with a few of us. Pamela was semi-conscious, half aware and half unaware of what we were talking about. I think I was awake in the early morning, because I got awoken by my sister who got up at 6 in the morning and my mum who asked what time was class. After that I think I was semi-conscious. For some reason, I dreamt of T1B2, but it felt as if I were really talking to them and telling them about something. It was like random dream after dream.

I suddenly miss the beach in Bintan a lot. Bintan is an island in Indonesia just 45 minutes away from Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal. Some of us are planning to go there together in November, but I miss it a lot now. The carefree feeling when you let yourself soak in the waves, chasing small schools of fish in the water. Not forgetting the digging of clams in the sand. Sometimes if you’re lucky, you could find one the size of your palm! Best of all, the feeling of closeness to the sea. The sense of familiarity whenever I visit, since we always stay in the exact same villa because my Mum’s company owns it. Singapore beaches can’t compare to the beach there. Of course, it kind of gets boring sometimes when the sun is too hot and I can’t go out. Instead, we relax in the air-conditioned villa and watch movies till the sun stops being so fierce. The smell of the sea on your body and the feeling of getting pushed by the waves stays throughout your trip.

I love skating? No, my sister loves skating. Ice skating, in particular. I for one, cannot skate. I don’t bike either. I don’t really have a good sense of balance so I don’t do many things related to balance. I like ice, but I don’t fancy the idea of gliding over it. I prefer to eat it

Lastly, I’d like to dedicate a paragraph to my dear T1B2. You guys and girls are so awesome and you know it! Whichever rough patch we’re going through right now, once we get over it we will be invincible! Just want to thank you all for making school ten times more fun. Although the guys don’t really show it, I know you love us right!! And the girls, thanks for all the love and hugs. I could never buy any of those hugs with money! Thanks for all the wonderful memories we’ve had, and let’s continue building even more memories!

Is this considered an “episodic reflection”? XD Hmm, I kept thinking about what I should write for the last reflection but I just had no inspiration. Well, tomorrow’s the last day of school before the two-week break! Great, the old man upstairs is smoking again. I’ll have to point the fan towards the windows to blow the smell away again so I’ll just end it here now!

Have a great two week break!!!

P.S. This may be the last reflection assignment, but it does not mean I will stop writing! Keep checking back for more updates!!!

Flavor of Life

Don’t mind the title. I just used that as the title because I was listening to Utada Hikaru. After Letter to the Past, suddenly I’m having this urge to look back on things we used to do in the past. Basically, I’m digging up my history with music. I’m suddenly listening to songs I haven’t heard in years; songs I listened to during Primary Five. I’m reminded of how cute I thought Aaron Carter was in the past, and when Ben from A1 still had his “M” shaped bangs.
I ran into my primary school classmate that day at the fms building. I remember being so tired I was stoning for a moment before I realized it was him. Unfortunately, he had a lecture to attend so he couldn’t stay and chat. Gosh, I miss how carefree we were during primary school. I remember how long I thought the June holidays were; it apparently shortened in secondary school. And now it’s even shorter. Not that I’m not happy about the 7 week holiday at the end of the year, finally I can celebrate the new year whole-heartedly.

Time really passes too fast. I can still remember how I felt after the end of the O Level Examinations, it still feels as if it were yesterday. The interview I went through to get into this course -mr. ryan interviewed shuhui and me- and how our group of five racked our brains to think of a reality tv show.

Sometimes when I spend time with T1B2, I feel something similar to how I felt in primary school. Although the feeling doesn’t beat primary school, it’s something I never really felt in secondary school. I don’t know, there’s this close-knit feeling between us. But the class is starting to kind of form into separate groups, and there is a slight internal conflict which I really hope can be solved peacefully. I’ve had enough of segregation in secondary school, where we had the “hokkien-pai”, the “angmoh-pai” and the “sui bian-pai”; aka the chinese speaking, the english speaking and the chinese-english speaking. The “hokkien-pai” cannot get along with the “angmoh-pai” and they always prefer to stay out of each other’s way as much as possible. For the “sui bian-pai”, they get along well with both sides. We also have the most headaches. Whenever we organize something, whether it’s a simple visit to a teacher’s place during Chinese New Year or a class gathering, the “hokkien-pai” and the “angmoh-pai” will ask the “sui bian-pai” who’s going. My teacher kept saying how she has never seen a class more segregated than ours.

Anyway, I walked around nearly the entire neighbourhood today for the photography assignment. The weather was superb, thank goodness. Slightly windy and cool, after the rain. Hopefully the photos will turn out good. I already named one of the photos: Nature at your window. How wonderful it is to have nature as your neighbour xD

Am I disturbing the goldfishes’ sleep? Alrighty, I’d better get to bed now.

Home Sweet Home

That day my parents were fetching me to school on their way to work, and they were talking about apartment prices. Somewhere in that conversation, I heard something about a million. I know they’ve been planning to sell the unit in Merawoods, but I never really thought about them being serious about selling this house. I’d rather not have a million dollars and live here forever.

I moved here to Hillview Avenue at the end of 1998, which was when I was in Primary Two. I can still recall how it was like looking out through the car window, eyes taking in the new environment I was going to be in. I remember how we switched on the air-conditioning, and friends and relatives laughing and talking, eating and drinking, a super lively atmosphere. The huge numbers of shoes strewn all over at my front door. I even remember the bright coloured plastic cups from IKEA; then new, we used. How clean my room was; gleaming white walls, fresh new lilac curtains, pink and purple tables and double decker bed. Large pictures of my sisters and I framed in light blue and pink, hung up on the wall.

We had brought along the grey marble dining table and the old greenish blue couches from our previous house. Also, the ancient fridge -it’s older than me- that we’re still using now. The lightbulb blew not long ago and my Dad put in a new one. And the ancient electric fan, which my parents are still using now. The old fan in my room broke down and we got a new bronze one last year. Well, we’ve changed our dining table to a sleek glass one which comes with chairs and everything including the plates and whatever was on the table. My Mum actually bid for this table after the end of one of her company’s showflats. They always have this bidding thing at the end of showflats for the employees We also got champagne coloured sofas, but no, we didn’t throw away the old couches. Instead, my Mum got some champagne coloured fabric and used it to cover the old couches. Now we have three big couches and two armchairs in the living room.

I think you must be quite bored with all my descriptions, let’s go on to what happened here. The first time I laid my hands on the WoodChester piano, which keys are a tad harder to press than Yamaha pianos because it’s English. The millipedes we always see in the tennis court, especially at night when the big bright lights are shining down. The cool and refreshing feeling once I plunge into the swimming pool. My first sleepover with my neighbour and her siblings and mine at her place, just less than a minute away. Getting splashed by this huge truck that zoomed past my sister, my auntie and I when we were crossing the road to the gate. I remember how we laughed at each other, wet from almost head to toe. The small white board which we always doodled on until we ran out of markers. How I watched the empty land beside us become another condominium. How a neighbour spotted a python in the tennis court and getting someone from the zoo to take care of it. Meeting incredible neighbours and their hospitality and smiles. The security guard smiling at you and greeting you as you say “Hello!” or “Good afternoon!” or “Good evening!” to them. Some of them even recognize my friends. Of course, you’d have to be a regular visitor for them to remember you! xD

Of course there are the negatives. Like how I share my room with ants. Oh yes, I didn’t think I’d ever say this but my closest neighbours are ants! There used to be only those small red ants running about but now the fast black ants are invading as well. I get so frustrated sometimes I really want to get my parents to call an exterminator. I’ve seen the exterminator van come by before, for a resident’s place I believe. The red ants smell quite nice actually, better than the foul smelling black ones. Do not ask me how I know this. Also, did I mention that I live next to nature? Almost every window and balcony you look out, you see trees. And when there are trees; I mean groups of trees bunched up not those you see singly on the sides of roads, there are insects. Although I have always been seeing insects almost everyday, that doesn’t mean I like them. In Primary School I accidentally stepped on a bee and my foot got stung. It hurt and affected my walking, but I didn’t get excused from school. Yesterday I reached home to see the front door closed; usually we just lock the gate and leave the door open, I thought it was nice to have some air-conditioning, but it wasn’t that actually. My sister responded with an, “Aircon your head!” and explained how a gigantic beetle wandered into the house and she shut the door and balcony for prevention. I also remember couple of nights before where this large green cricket was at the kitchen door. I screamed at it’s slightest movement. By the way, some insects build their nests here and there, but we try our best to clear them. Oh, we have really fat lizards too. I should really convince my parents to get a cat.

Another negative would be how the tap keeps dripping when you don’t slam it down properly. It gets kind of irritating at times.

However, despite all the negatives, I still love my home. My home is truly my sanctuary, I always feel safe the moment I step into the house. No matter how tired I feel, or how disorganized or frustrated I feel, I’m always comforted and relaxed when I reach home. Plus, where I live, you don’t hear the loud sounds of cars zooming past, people chatting late at night at coffeeshops, away from the hustle and bustle of the streets. All I hear at night is the singing of the crickets. It’s just a very simple, tranquil and pleasant place to live in. Sometimes I go to the first floor with my neighbour and we just sit there in the middle of the square and chat in the middle of the night. There’s always a gentle wind blowing across, the amber lights giving atmosphere to the place. Where I live, there are only two blocks with ten floors each. I don’t really know how to describe how lovely it is here, you should just come and feel for yourself if you have the chance

If we really do move someday, I’m sure I’m going to miss this place. A LOT. Like aslvajkbsdvlidksbvlkx much.

Love…

If you’re wondering about the title of this reflection, I’m wondering too! It’s just that, I’ve been feeling really happy and blessed this entire week. I think love explains it all. Well, it’s not the BGF love I’m talking about, it’s the love from God, my family, my friends. I think I feel the best on Thursdays because I start off an early day with Disciple Group (Campus Crusade for Christ) in school from 9-11am before heading for tutorial on INTFLM.  DG really perks me up in the morning and I am able to get my engine running and ready to face the day’s work. I felt His presence in class today, and I felt surrounded by love everywhere. This always makes me happy and comfortable! (:

I feel that the class is really bonding, even though it may not be very obvious but I can feel a strong bond between all of us. In life there are these things that are of utmost importance to me: Love, Family, Friendship, Faith, Hope, Happiness. I feel that Love is the most important of all. I would die without love, I am certain. Would you be able to survive without love? You might, but it would be a terrible life, agree?

Previously I mentioned about my neighbour’s daughter’s passing. I wonder how she and her family are doing now. She’s a very nice woman who always smiles and asks about school and how I am. Even on the day of her daughter’s death, she was still able to smile at me. I remember feeling something amiss and strange in her smile that day. At that time I hadn’t known about it, so I dismissed it. I really hope she will be okay, and I hope that her daughter’s in her own secret heaven (:

Uniform Friday

After completion of e-learning week’s assignments, a big heave of relief for everyone. Although the homework doesn’t stop from there, at least some of the stress is gone!

PEOPLE WATCHING. No, I’m not going to do a review on how I feel about the assignment. UNIFORM FRIDAY. Watch out, because T1B2 is going to invade class with our spanking secondary/JC school uniforms! Although not all of us still have our uniforms, I’m really glad that -almost- everyone’s being great about this!

I wonder what people would think seeing each of us wearing our secondary school uniforms going to school at 10 in the morning? It’s a school day, so people might assume that we’re either skipping class or are late for class or something. Not to mention the stares people might give us. How would that make us feel? Awkward or embarrassed, perhaps? I think I would have the urge to explain to the entire bus why I’m dressed in school uniform heading the opposite direction from secondary school to NP.

Which is why we’re all bringing our uniforms to school and changing into them at school.

Oh wait! Isn’t it exam period now? Then it wouldn’t look too weird, actually. However, it’s rather awkward walking into school wearing your old school uniform. If everyone goes to school together that’s a different story, but going in one by one is just awkward. Or maybe, students would already know the reason behind the uniform. I believe some classes have done it as well, some successful, some unsuccessful. Anyway, can’t wait for school tomorrow!

Till next time,
liqing.