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FSV1STORY – Storytelling TechniquesOpeners
ONE. The bus keeps shaking and Ashley, while desperately holding onto her books, tries her hardest to prevent herself from falling.
TWO. Debbie grabs her pen and nibbles at the end, scratching her head in frustration.
THREE. He knocks the door and no one answers. Suddenly, he hears a creaking sound, like the opening of an old rusty door.
FOUR. The wind is howling and the sky is dark with angry clouds. A man wearing a long coat and a hat conceals his profile as he walks the streets alone, the leaves crunching as he steps on them.
FIVE. She taps gently on the dotted window, her fingers tracing the outline of the polished black car. The droplets of rain land abruptly on her palm as she stretches her hand out the window.
SIX. The calendar reads the 30th of February. The birds chirp sweetly and the morning sun lights up the room.
SE7EN. Seven minutes going to eight. Jasmine squeezes her bag even tighter. He is late, again.
EIGHT. Sabrina puts on her school uniform, brushing her hair effortlessly, yawning away.
NINE. A boy looks to his left and then to his right. He sees no one and slowly reaches out his hand. He almost reaches the cookie jar when someone shouts his name.
TEN. Jo reaches into her pocket and takes out a two dollar note. She looks longingly at the bag of cotton candy and then to the plate of spaghetti. She scratches her head in frustration.
ELEVEN. The amber lights flicker spookily, a man sneaks past the door unnoticed. Suddenly, the shrilly scream of a woman is heard.
TWELVE. It is the twelth day of Christmas. Young Charlie, with the piece of red and white candy cane in his mouth, counts the coins in his pocket.
2 Comments»
misterryan wrote @
Some of these feel like they’re trying too hard. Let’s examine number 9:
NINE. A boy looks to his left and then to his right. He sees no one and slowly reaches out his hand. He almost reaches the cookie jar when someone shouts his name.
I would argue only the third sentence is necessary. Why are the first two necessary in order to pique the curiosity of your audience? Just as we study in 50 word stories, we can often do a lot more with small sentences.
My continuation of opener seven.
Seven minutes going to eight. Jasmine squeezes her bag even tighter. He is late, again. The train puffs out huge amount of soot into the air; the captain rings the bell and says ” 2353 hours! Two minutes remaining!” There was then an instantaneous reaction from the crowd, everyone quickly left the remaining of their tidbits and drinks on the benches and scrambles up the train. Jasmine felt a sudden tension in the railway station. She starts to pace the station.
The captain is an old man with a cigar stuck in between his lips. His ragged face and thick glasses suggests that he is experienced. He then scans the area, hoping that he could leave earlier but sees Jasmine walking to and fro. He then beams at Jasmine and shouts out her name. “Hey you!” Jasmine turns around. “You’d better hope on the train soon yah? Or ill leave without. You understand what I’m saying huh?” Jasmine nods her and turns around.
Jasmine looks at the train ticket and it says “2355hours, last train to San Francisco” She looks towards the entrance of the station, hoping to see even the shadows of her boyfriend running towards her. But her hope fails her. She looks at the entrance once again.
“One minutes remaining! All passengers please board the train immediately!” The vice-captain hollers. The captain steps out of the first cabin of the train, and exhaled out, trying to gain her attention. He then coughs loudly, but Jasmine ignores him. The captain then walks towards her and nudges her. He removes his glasses and tilts his head slightly downwards, and stares directly into her eyes and says, “Look young lad, I ain’t gonna wait all day. I have a job to do. And that is to pull that lever at 2355hours sharp and get my ass outta here.” “Move your bags and let’s get out of here!” The captain then walks back to the cabin.
Jasmine lets out a sigh and slowly approaches her bag. She picks it up and places it comfortably on her shoulders. Slowly but surely, she walks up to the cabin in front of her. Looking back at the entrance hall with every step she steps. “Jasmine! Jasmine! Where are you?”
“2355hours!” The train puffs out another huge chunk of black soot and the captain blows the whistle. The engine roars and the caterpillar tracks slowly starts to move. A man dashes out from the entrance out and looks out frantically. “Here Darren! I’m here!”
“Alright, I’m coming!” Darren quickly hops on the train. He holds Jasmine tightly by her shoulders, looks at her and says “I’m so sorry, I’m late. I’ll explain everything later!”